When we tried to conceive it seemed to be a matter of public opinion. Everyone had suggestions and stories of how they too struggled before being able to conceive. Some told us how hard it was to wait 6 months before they got pregnant. If you’ve struggled with infertility you will probably find the 6 month comment laughable (or it will make you cry). I don’t talk about this much for a number of reasons. One it’s a private matter (well at least it was before this post).
Another reason I don’t discuss this is because not everyone that adopts does so because of infertility. Some families choose adoption for a variety of reasons. Right now our EthioFamily group is expecting three babies that will be “homegrown’. We will welcome them into our group/family like we would any child.
But the biggest reason I don’t discuss this is because some people think it makes children who come to your through adoption less than. I still have people ask me, “Can you have children”. My response is always YES-it seems obvious since I have a child. He does not need to carry my DNA for me to love him.
The day we were told that we would need help to get pregnant was a difficult day. My husband and I sat in the doctor’s office making small talk and trying to pretend we weren’t both nervous. This was about the sixth doctor we had seen and we were hoping to finally get an answer. And then it came, “You two will not be able to have a child”. Just like that-plain as day-as though he was telling us a root canal was in our future. The doctor didn’t give us any options. The statement and lack of caring still makes me cringe. We had several options, including taking a few extra steps to conceive, but adoption was the opportunity we wanted to pursue. After all, we (ok I) had been researching international adoption for years and this just confirmed it was time to get the paperwork moving.
So why talk about this now? When we adopted Tesfa I got several emails from friends I hadn’t seen in years. Some are single and want to become parents, others struggle with infertility and some just feel that adoption is their path. It is not an easy path but I would not change it for anything.
(Mama to the most beautiful boy-despite what the doctor said)